Do not be satisfied with the stories that are told to you. Unfold your own myth – Rumi.

A Letter to a Lost Love…

Part One

Dear E,

How have you been?

I know this is unexpected, and you didn’t expect me to come see you, let alone write to you.
But like everything that happened between you and me, this is sudden, and impulsive, and hopefully, as beautiful as you were when I first saw you.

So, how are you?

No, don’t tell me. I’ll answer that.

I was reading when I was traveling to come see you, E, and in this month’s Caravan, I found something that put everything I wanted to tell you, in poetry.

Aasai mugam maranthu poche!
ithai yaaru idam solven adi thozhi?

I cannot remember my beloved’s face!
How do I reveal this to anyone, my friend?

Nesam marakka villai nenjam,
Inil ninaivu mugam marakkalaamo?

When my heart has not forgotten his love,
How could this mind forget his face?

Kannan mugam maranthu ponaal,
Intha kangal irunthu payanundo.

If I can forget Kannan’s face,
What use are my eyes at all?

Mahakavi Subramaniya Bharathiar writes of a woman lamenting the loss of memory, albeit a memory that she does not wish to lose – of her beloved lover’s face. The love is still there in her heart, she sings, but he’s far away now, lost to her, and she curses her eyes for not retaining his picture in them.

Sound familiar, E?

I was afraid too, you know, that I might lose you. To a weak memory. To a hectic present.

But I was most afraid of losing you, E, to time.

And if I do, E, what use are my eyes at all?

Part Two

You welcomed me back like only a woman in love can.

With mists that invoke all that is holy, with early mornings that would tempt the Gods to return, with evenings that bring with them memories of young lives lived to the full – all held close to your bosom, sometimes broken and fragmented, but never forgotten.

Never forgotten.

You were a teacher when I needed you to be, E, when the make-believe world I had constructed around myself fell apart and left me stranded on an island far far away.

You taught me to wait for the rain to come.

You taught me to look for mirages, ignore them and follow the only path that mattered, the one my heart pointed out.

You welcomed me back with poetry, and as I listened, with you by my side, to a boy proclaim his anger against society in scintillating verse, in the high notes and low guttural chords of the Devanagari script, my breath slowed to let the words sink in.

I always knew how to read, E, but it was you who taught me to write.

I walked with you on the roads where you once listened patiently to my cursing the unfairness of it all. And when I was done being unhappy, you showed me the stars in the sky, and as I tried to peer into the tiny pricks of light, some of whom twinkled to make their presence felt, I realized how trivial my troubles were.

Your roads and dirt paths will remain my life’s compass.

I see you have new lovers now, E, as there were before me, and I implore you to teach them all that you taught me. Let them not take themselves too seriously. Let them appreciate nature, and books, and poetry, and art, and friendship, and all the beauty that makes life worth living. Let them breath in the morning air and take walks in the evening fog and get drenched in your winter rain.

I hope they fall in love with you, E, like I did.

And talking about love, E, here’s something I wanted to ask you.

We never lose the ones we love, E, do we?
Parts of them stay with us, and parts of us stay with them, and the love lives on forever.

Isn’t that true?

I’ll never lose you.

And if I do, E, what use are my eyes at all?


E is Ettimadai, the village at the foot of the Anamalai mountain in the Western Ghats, where Amrita Vishwa Vidyapeetham, my university, stands.

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22 responses

  1. Ha! I almost fell for this one! Haha. Good read! 🙂

    September 26, 2012 at 11:51 am

    • Sairam Krishnan

      Thanks Zezil.. 🙂

      September 26, 2012 at 12:12 pm

  2. Rithika Bala

    Super!! “With mists that invoke all that is holy, with early mornings that would tempt the Gods to return, with evenings that bring with them memories of young lives lived to the full – all held close to your bosom, sometimes broken and fragmented, but never forgotten.” Awesome these lines are….

    September 26, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    • Sairam Krishnan

      Thanks a lot Sophia! 🙂

      September 26, 2012 at 12:20 pm

  3. Vamsi

    Awesome writing Brother !! Took me back to Planet E and those wonderful memories !! Thank You 🙂

    September 26, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    • Sairam Krishnan

      Thanks a lot Bro.. 🙂

      September 26, 2012 at 12:30 pm

  4. Abhishek

    Lovely da… while reading I felt as if i was having my regular morning walk in the campus… & above all good to see u writing again…

    September 26, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    • Sairam Krishnan

      Thanks da Abhi.. 🙂

      September 26, 2012 at 2:22 pm

  5. Nimi

    Awesom once again!!!!

    September 26, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    • Sairam Krishnan

      Thanks a lot Nimi..!! 🙂

      September 26, 2012 at 2:23 pm

  6. Anindya

    Its getting better and better Sai..straight from the memory lane..I regret that couldn’t make it..keep it up

    September 26, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    • Sairam Krishnan

      Thanks yaar.. 🙂

      September 26, 2012 at 2:46 pm

  7. Raghuram V

    Great Part One 🙂

    September 26, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    • Sairam Krishnan

      Thanks da Raghu..! 🙂

      September 27, 2012 at 10:32 am

  8. Daniella

    Very poignant and well written Sai 🙂

    September 27, 2012 at 1:51 am

    • Sairam Krishnan

      Ah thanks Dan.. 🙂 See I’m writing again!

      September 27, 2012 at 10:32 am

  9. Barath.M

    gud one bro

    September 27, 2012 at 6:38 am

    • Sairam Krishnan

      Thanks da.. 🙂

      September 27, 2012 at 10:32 am

  10. beautiful sai, just beautiful 🙂 planet e is magical isn’t it? forever magical and peerlessly faithful 🙂 how many hearts has it opened sai. write on!

    September 27, 2012 at 9:39 am

    • Sairam Krishnan

      It is magical, Sir, and more. And I suppose it really couldn’t be any other way, for all those young souls walking through it must be leaving traces of themselves behind.. 🙂

      I certainly will, Sir, thanks a lot..!! 🙂

      September 27, 2012 at 10:37 am

  11. Cshipra

    Sai,

    You weave your words so beautifully that words wouldnot do them justice…
    Since you are taking a memory trip down the day lane…
    I too have something to add to it…

    You are but a memory to me,
    Sometimes sweet, sometimes bitter,
    You make me long for the rising sun amongst misty clouds,
    the soaring birds over the soaring mountains,
    You make me long for the days of togetherness,
    the bittersweet moments filled with joy and endless chatter,
    You make me long for the veil of innocence,
    Freedom from Carte Blanche over decisions,
    You make me long for things that never will be,
    You make me wish of a dream we once lived,
    You are but a memory to me,
    Sometimes sweet, sometimes bitter…

    September 28, 2012 at 2:10 am

    • Sairam Krishnan

      Wow Chsipra… Thanks a lot.. And that was so beautiful… Loved it.. 🙂

      September 28, 2012 at 10:21 am

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